Sunday, September 21, 2003
"so long, farewell..."

something has changed in me over the course of the weekend. a sort of wake-up call but it isn't just one thing. this may sound wacky but it feels like a bubble has been growing around me - almost like an aura of warmth. it feels safe - like i'm getting a huge spiritual hug.

i feel an overwhelming sense of love. it is in me and all around me. all these years, i think i've been too selfish, spoiled and scared to feel it. love is the sheer panic i felt when my best friend came home to find her 2 dogs had broken out of her yard and were missing. love is my mother nagging me about taking out my tongue piercing. love is connecting with an old boyfriend i adore and realizing he cares about me regardless of my age or weight or sex. love is me being able to stand up for my values and block out the negative influences trying to weaken me. love is looking into the mirror and honestly being proud of who i am.

i'm often told i don't give myself enough credit... well you know. i don't. i know i'm a wonderful, confident and strong person but obviously there must be something missing in me that forces me to fill my needs with meaningless sex. i don't want to do it anymore.

the last few years i've been reckless in so many ways that are not only unfulfilling and a waste of time, but are potentially dangerous to myself and others. i've abused food. i've abused alcohol. i've abused money. and now i abuse sex. f*cking instant gratification. things like an explosive orgasm or consuming a box of decadent cookies may make me happy in the moment but they do not contribute to my 'happiness'.

i can admit right now that it is all to protect myself. from feeling love. because with love comes hurt. and i've ran from that my whole life. no more. i'm ready to feel the pain lurking deep inside me. digging it up is the only way i'm going to heal and be the person i really want to be.

so with that said, this red-headed slut is retiring. thank you all for the good times & support but it's time for me to move on.
posted by red-headed slut |

Thursday, September 18, 2003
well i finally got the guts tonight to tell 'boy toy' that i didn't think we should sleep together anymore. i just insinuated that i've been getting more serious with someone else and didn't feel right having multiple partners. the irony huh? he's like 'you have my #'. so much for one last big bang... wasn't worth the effort. he was just creeping me out too much with his nonstop calling.

meanwhile i haven't even had a chance to try out those condoms... i've been fighting the flu and have been so preoccupied dealing with moving issues. part of me was ready to just sell all my furniture but i did the figures and it's cheaper to move it then replace it all. not much though... why does it cost SO much to get a moving company? it's like $2500 phoenix to vancouver! so i'm torn between a Uhaul (which requires someone to drive it for me which i don't have) and a company i found where you load/unload the truck but they drive it - called ABF U-Pack - anyone have any experience with them?
posted by red-headed slut |

Tuesday, September 16, 2003
i love this quote - it's from one of my new favorite trash tv shows 'nip/tuck' (think extreme makeovers meets melrose place'):
posted by red-headed slut |

"thou shalt not shop at target at lunch... "

waaay too much fun with all the cute clothes they have right now... but i DID finally purchase some of those polyurethane condoms you guys suggested trying out. my latex supply has FINALLY been used up so i figured i'll give them a shot (literally!). the ones i bought are called 'trojan supra' - they seem alot more expensive than the regular ones though ($3.59 for THREE!). i'll let you know what i think of them!
posted by red-headed slut |

Sunday, September 14, 2003
"you know you're a slut when..."

you go out to see a f*ck buddy's band play with a group of friends... and you realize you've also had sex with all the guys you're there with.

although i like that i can be friends with ex-flings, things were a little weird last night. it was the first time i've partied with ex-b'friend (22yr old - together 4 months last year) in a long time and i think we would've hooked up again if i didn't get so drunk. stupidly we both said we loved each other... and honestly i do love him as a person - he's a great guy but just needs about 5 years on him.
posted by red-headed slut |

"my 3 guys in rotation..."

this is the longest i've consistently been able to maintain regular sex without being in a 'relationship'. it's working out quite well... but it's gonna be weird when it all just ends in 6 weeks. i'll have to start all over again... so i'm thinking i either need to phase one or more of them out. should i? which one should go? here's a summary:anyway, so what do you guys think? should i just keep enjoying them all? between them, i get all my needs met. see this is why i need to find an 'open' relationship eventually.

posted by red-headed slut |

Saturday, September 13, 2003
the princess does her nails while camping... and note the louis vuitton purse she brought tooi just watched the latest 'newlyweds' and my lord, i feel sorry for that nick guy. he's married to the whiniest dumbest chick (ie jessica simpson)! what was he thinking? he's so sweet & patient but i'd have shot her by now if i were him. listen guys - not all girls are pouty manipulative brats.

meanwhile i have so much to blog about, i just haven't had a chance to really sit down & catch up on my recent activities. soon.

posted by red-headed slut |

Wednesday, September 10, 2003
i need to find a cheap web-hosting package (not more than $20/month) - all i really care about is that i need at least 100MB storage. any good recommendations?
posted by red-headed slut |

Monday, September 08, 2003
"what REALLY happens at bachelor parties?"

a good friend is getting married next month & her husband-to-be just had his bachelor party in vegas. she hasn't talked to him since he left friday & she is very distraught as she'd heard they were attempting to have the craziness of the movie 'very bad things' (let's hope without the murder). she's freaking out that he cheated with a stripper cause they had some private room for him and now she doesn't even want to touch him cause she thinks he's 'dirty'.

so i've been thinking about this all day... i don't really think he would cheat on her but i know how 'i' get, let alone how guys get with there's drugs, alcohol and the pressure of friends around them. so my question to you married (or divorced) males, how many of you actually DID cheat or get some kind of sexual pleasure at your bachelor party? if you did, i would assume you wouldn't tell your fiancee... but what if you knew your wife slept with a different guy on HER bachelorette party?
posted by red-headed slut |

i am the girl who has spent most of her formative years as not only a red-head but also as a slut. i've never had a problem with this but some people have. my mother, for instance, does not like the red-hair. my ex-boyfriends do not like the slutty part! whatever - i am just being myself. sex to me is one of the true joys in life - i am not gonna deprive myself of that.

alas i am now in a transitional phase of being a strawberry blonde with occasional bouts of promiscuity. am i growing up or just getting boring?!

single 30yr old
phoenix, az
# of sex partners:  53  54

today i'm feeling

bloggin' bitch
deegee girl diary
delicious juice
dirty whore
electric bugaloo
married but lonely
mike's party
naked loft party
no title yet
one lazy blonde
reality remixed
sassy pants
tenth muse

tart graphics